She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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