so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
