No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
