Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
