I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
