I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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