xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
