Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
