I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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