This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
