Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
