Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
