remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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