I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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