Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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