# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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