i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
