Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
