So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
