I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
