It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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