This is not my ceiling
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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