I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
