Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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