why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
