Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?