Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.