i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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