If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby