just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."