i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.