I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You had me at "let me see your balls"