They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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