this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
