i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
