Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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