Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
