Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
