God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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