I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..