I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.