Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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