is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again