well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.