did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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