how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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