Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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