I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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