sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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