I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
