i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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