Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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