Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
