I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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