i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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