So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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