Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
