I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
