im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
