conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Couch. On fire.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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