The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
