So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
of course. lets lasso hookers.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
