I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
