a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
