he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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