So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
