I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
