there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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