just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
