I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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