im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
