After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
