I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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