I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
