My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
