So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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