In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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