May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
