I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
