Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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