What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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