Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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