please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize