Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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