She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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