Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize