You can't motorboat a personality
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
