At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
