Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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