I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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