Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
