I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
