U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
