3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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